The fear of unhealing pain.

What is BGR all about?

To me, it is a trap.

The more you step on it, the deeper u fall into;
Deeper & harder to escape.

I used to think that it is a good sign when the boy bring you home to meet the parents. It is a recognition. Being part of the family.

Not anymore, when I have realised that, I'm putting myself up for more pressure in a relationship.

I thought that it's a good sign that I'm making my way back into love. How is that possibly be true when I'm starting to doubt my decision. Maybe all I wanted is being with family and friends with no strings attached.

It's not fair to you. Not at all.

Looking into your eyes, the guiltiness in me... I'm holding back my tears.

It's rather selfish to say that I don't see ALL I want in you.

Sigh. Maybe it works the other way round too. I'm not anywhere near perfect anyway.

Love is fair when it is mutual.

I can't be constantly receiving what I can't payback. It's cumulative. I will end up in serious love debt. I'm aware that I have no such ability to repay you and I do not want to suffer in further liability in this relationship.

Sigh.

I gave you my 1001 reasons for not going out with you on a Saturday.

You tried to decipher the hidden meaning of the 1001 excuses.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.


I guess, this is not a good sign for a healthy start of a relationship.

Think wisely, my dear friend~

I think I'm better off being alone in life.


Lone-ranger,
*e-cherries~

Wonder.Ponder.

Some time ago, I got a text from this friend of mine, F, over the msn.

"...just wanna apologize for last yr.

i didnt know what i was doing, but i just felt like doing it.

it had no reason, nor why, just the do =/

sorry if it doesnt make sense

but... i need to apologize

i feel kinda bad still "

I have to admit that your sorry has meant nothing more to me than mere words. It was a painful experience, I would say. I'm glad that you have realised your faults and your sincere apology. Well, you have become my past, my history, which I will never ever bring up the issue. Sorry may not have that great impact to heal what I've been through. But it's all good enough to hear that from you.

Then I asked, since you have apologise, does it mean that you have transformed to be a better person? You answered, "No."

Ridiculous.

-end of conversation-

*+*=*+*

I have been working for 1 1/2 months now. Time flies. I'm half of my journey near my confirmation date. Got my ICAA approved. Signing contract on Monday it is. God, help me through.

My weekly routine has became work work work on the weekdays, church on saturday and sunday at gym for combat and hiphop classes.

Apparently, I'm enjoying what I'm doing at the moment. I got a difficult client as compared to my previous. Things are still unresolved. Hopefully after a long weekend, I will be able to gather my mind and pump up to work again~

It was labour day off last Friday. My dear colleagues, 5-in-a-car drove up to Genting.

*chillaxation therapy*

I feel that I'm back to high school once again!

We went to the not-so-great haunted house and very-mild-spiderman ride.

Can't deny that I was super takut before the ride k! After the ride, I went like "Chehhhh~~"

It's really nothing as compared to those in Gold Coast.

After I came back from Melbie, I have been to Sunway Lagoon and now Genting for the rides. I would say, No thrill!

Make some loss investment in the casino. I have realised that I've exert more self-control as I grow older. Good thing, aye!

*+*-*+*

I miss Melbie! I miss my dear friends there! I miss the cooling weather, the winter when I can wear my trenchcoat! I miss the oh-so-cute-tutor! I miss taking the bus ride to uni! I miss the mochacino with marshmallows I have for all our yum cha session at night in the cold weather! I miss yum cha (known as dim sum locally) with my yummy yummy egg tarts!

Melbieeee I miss you! I miss you! I miss you!~

*+*-*+*

I want a massage treatment!

That's my random Sunday and off I go for some retail therapy~~~~

See ya!

*Huggies*

*e-cherries~

Life is moving on GOOD.

When my life started to sail smoothly.....

.The inderscribable happiness.

Started my training for my work for 2 weeks now. Next week will be the final part, then it will be on the job. I'm sure I'm gonna miss all the mates I have met, the quality time we spend, the camp, the training, the lunches, the outings!

The best will come in the least expected ways.

It's 10 past 2 in the morning now.... Indulging in my happy hour~

Last Friday night was enjoyable. Dinner @ banana leaf & Fidel's after that. Fidel is a nice place to chill, drink & have a chat. It's salsa on Friday night. I didn't put much of my Salsa dancing skill I have learned much that night. Have stopped going for Salsa classes but more of Hip Hop, RnB mix and Coyote dance now. Have given up on pole dancing after 2 lessons. Lack of upper body strength leh!

I'm still struggling to complete my Go Count. One of my assessment for my work! Everytime I count, is as though I'm counting sheep! Put me to sleep within few secs. ZzzZzzZZ....



This week marks the Happiest *e-cherries~

Surprises...

You went away. I have come to accept that I have lost a friend like you. Now, you felt sorry for all that you've done. Is never too late. I forgive and forget.

My best ang pau of the Ox year.

Sometimes, the least you expect things to happen, the better will come to you.




It is the last day of Chinese New Year.

Blessed Chinese New Year everyone. Cherish and be contented.



*e-cherries~

Goodbye Melbourne

Flight number: SQ 238
Departure Time: 29th Dec 2008, 11.20am

She has packed all her stuff but not ready to go.

Memories of Melbourne will be left behind.

Time to lift up the burden.

Leaving to airport in an hour.

She wished she could stay.

*e-cherries~

Christmas that's not gonna be the same again

How Christmas used to be for me.
How much I look forward to the month of December.
How much I indulge in the memories listening to Christmas carols.
How I used to spend the night at those countdown events.
How it has became a tradition year after year.

How I spend my holiday season working as sales assistant at 3point6, 1utama. Waking up in the morning looking forward to work. Listening to christmas songs being played over and over again. My very first successful job. Those days when things aint that complicated.


I have to keep reminding myself that things have changed. It is not gonna be the same again.

It will not. Never.

Let's continue walking. Life still goes on.

Grant me strength, Lord.

*e-cherries~

"You need to step back, you crossed the line."